There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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