I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
