oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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