This is not my ceiling
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
