Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
