i love accidental penises.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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