I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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