there's paper in my vomit.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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