evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize