Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
