After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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