in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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