"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
