People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I currently don't understand fingers.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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