Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
