No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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