Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Randomize
