You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
