Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
