Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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