okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
