I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
