You're my little dorito
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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