My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
