It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
