u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
