dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
