If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
