I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
