That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
