Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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