WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
