i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
