Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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