I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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