they need to just BURY HIM!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
