I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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