I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
