It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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