the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
