I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
