It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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