Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
