Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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