i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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