I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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