i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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