at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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