She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
