I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize