I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
