Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
