i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
