I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
