Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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