I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
