She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
