i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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