My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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