it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
