So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
