apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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