It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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