SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
